How To Know If You Suck At Blogging

You Suck Family GuyMost bloggers are so goddamn boring… They are so, so, SSSSOOO crappy. They are the worst (like in the universe). Yeah, I said it! The majority of you so-called “writers” sucks like hell! The internet brought you the ultimate free speech platform and what do you do with it? You use it as your virtual toilets for your fecal thoughts!

If you consider yourself a blogger you should ask yourself some serious self-enquiry questions right now! And just because I know it will be difficult (especially for the utterly dimwits of you), I present you here the official “How To Know You Suck At Blogging” questionnaire by the Committee of Real Awesome Posts (C.R.A.P.) which I’ve just made up.

If one of the following statements applies to you, then you are stink at blogging and you should be exiled to FriendFeed for eternity.

1.  Your main blogging tactic involves copy and paste.

2.  Writing is an excruciating process for you where you get a headache, your hands shake and you struggle with words like “excruciating”.

3.  Some of the side effects of reading your blog includes vomiting, diarrhea and self-harm thoughts.

4.  You think Mashable is awesome.

5.  Many of your posts contains the sentence “this is a guest blog post by…”

6.  You calculate keyword density.

7.  You spend most of your time on dubious SEO techniques instead of actually blogging.

8.  You spam the shit out of Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Google+ and more for a shred of traffic.

9.  You learn new words when you watch the Jersey Shore.

10.  You’ve proclaimed yourself as a blogging guru (but you are the only one who think so).

11.  You think that blogging means article spinning.

12.  You just don’t get what’s all the fuss about South Park. {Cartman totally rules!}

13.  You are still using Typepad as your blogging platform.

14.  There’s a category just about you in the Salty Droid.

15.  You like to use words like “EXCLUSIVE” or “BREAKING” in your titles when the only thing you really break is your poor reputation (if that’s even possible).

16.  You think that the definition of blogging is “promoting lame affiliate products without any real value” (and you are ugly).

17.  When you are using the [site:] or [link:] special operators in Google, it says “are you fucking kidding me?”

18.  You buy products from “Internet Marketing experts”, no matter how delusional they are.

19.  You love lists in blog posts (excluding this one).

20.  Even your sweet mommy tells you that you suck at blogging.