Let’s face it, no-one expects much from their lawn during the months of February and March. After weeks of rain and cold temperatures, chances are your patch of grass is a muddy mess – which is going to be pretty well unusable until spring finally arrives. This is even more the case if you have pets or children.
Many people decide to solve the problem by installing artificial grass, especially in cold places such as London… but we say no! Embrace your mud pit in these exciting and interesting ways, and you’ll discover that mud really can be glorious.
1. Start Your Own Pig Farm
It’s well-known that pigs love mud, and enjoy wallowing in the stuff – so why not import a few to help save your bacon? After all, Tom and Barbara did it in classic sitcom The Good Life, and it seemed to turn out well for them, even if it was never quite clear how the pigs contributed to the family income. You could even turn your garage into a temporary pigsty and park the car up the road. Don’t let complaints from the neighbours and agricultural regulations put you off!
2. Have a DIY Mud Spa
The beneficial qualities of mud are legendary and you can easily pay £50 or even more for a whole body mud treatment at a top spa. So why not save yourself a small fortune by dashing outdoors, stripping off and coating yourself in some homegrown clay? What do you mean, people might be looking over the fence.. and it’s only 5 degrees outside? Surely it’s worth suffering just a little in the cause of beauty!
3. Bring Out Your Children’s Creativity
If Grayson Perry can win a Turner prize with a bit of pottery then who knows what your own little potters could achieve – if only they had an unlimited supply of mud and the support of enlightened parents? They could turn mud pies into a designer sensation. OK, their artistic results might be a bit smelly, and you could have to spend some time washing their clothes after the end of a junior art session. There’s also the little question of how much it will cost to equip yourself with a potter’s wheel and a kiln. But it will all be worthwhile when you find you’re the proud parents of a famous artist.
4. Hold Your Own Music Festival
Put on some wellies, point some speakers out of the window and turn your shed into a communal toilet for the whole street. Yes, you could give yourself an authentic festival experience at a fraction of the cost. Admittedly, the environmental health inspectors might not share your enthusiasm, but you’ll gain a whole lot of street cred with the younger generation.
5. Start a New Olympic Sport
Inspired by Sochi? Well, why shouldn’t slipping about on mud be just as exciting as sliding about on snow or ice? A two-man mudsleigh could be the way of the future. With nearly every home having access to a muddy garden, this could be our best chance of upping the UK’s gold medal tally at a future Games! If your garden is big enough, you could even organise a whole sporting event, with a mud assault course and a range of mud-themed activities.
On the Other Hand…
These might all seem like great ideas to make the best of a boggy garden. But what about when summer comes around and you fancy some sunbathing or inviting friends round for a barbecue? You might have had enough of the mud by then, and decide to swap it for a lawn. One solution is to choose artificial grass, which London gardeners are opting for as a low-maintenance alternative to a traditional lawn. It’s definitely a lot less hassle than keeping pigs!
- The website for the popular Gardeners’ World Magazine.
Tom Day is the owner Dayco, who are the leading providers of artificial grass in London.